Moses and God: First Recorded Mooning in History
Posted: Saturday, September 03, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Mooning, the act of showing someone your butt. There's another kind of mooning but that went out with waiting by the telephone, hoping true love had your number and would dial in when you were home -- yea, that's gonna happen.
We are concerned with the first mooning, at least the one everyone can find themselves after I illuminate the text.
One of my favorite jokes to a gal friend of mine, as we pile into the car before a shopping safari, "I'll drive, you moon!" It never happens but just the thought of it makes us laugh like hyenas, thus setting the mood for the frivolity about the begin.
Back to history. One of my very good friends, who thought about a lot of things and came up with a completely different perspective on just about everything, mentioned that the first recorded history of anyone being mooned was Moses, on the mountain, when he was up there to get the tablets from God (Take two tablets and pray to me in the morning.)
You have never heard of this, you say? You have, but it's all in the interpretation. I'll paraphrase since I do not own, nor will I have one in my house, a bible. Moses is getting the word, feeling good, wants to know more about the big guy and this religion he's bringing the people. He asks to look upon the face of God. God says (and I'm roughing this out here), "I cannot let you look upon my face and live . . . but I can show you my hind parts." No, really, hind parts is actually part of this conversation. And God being so big and all, Moses already on the mountain, it goes on to say that God passed by and Moses looked. Now that's mooning! Or that's mooning to Moses. Maybe that's one of the acts of God you can't insure against. It's all in how you see it . . . or what you see.
One last thought about the ole red eye:
Many years ago there was a story in TIME magazine about a woman who copied her butt on the office machine at the Christmas party. Later she was fired for this incident, probably as those very copies were being circulated in the office and pocketed for another date. My BIG question: who recognized her butt from a copy? Doesn't everyone's butt look the same in black and white, flattened on a glass copier? Was there a line up and everyone dropped their pants? Someone knew her well enough to recognize her hind parts. I'm sure that's going to show up on her next job application.
The lesson here is:
Do not make copies of your butt.
Do not copy your own butt with office equipment, not even at a party.
Do not do anything at the office Xmas party that can, and will, be shown later.
Most butts cannot be picked out of a crowd, so don't leave it lying around.
Covering your butt is probably the safest way to keep it, and your job.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)This was just an early version of preserving the image of your booty for posterior. I mean posterity. Now the truly ambitious are using their cell phones.
It was dangerous for Moses. His hair turned white as it was.Religion, just like the law, is all in the interpretation. And history has a way of making a simple act larger than life. Shame mooning didn't catch on as a salute to each other, it would make saying "Hello, my name is . . ." a whole lot more interesting. Why didn't I see your comment sooner? Guess my butt was elsewhere . . .
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