FAQ1: Yes, I Heard You. I Just Don't Believe You Said That.
Posted: Friday, September 16, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Now that my dating days are over, I can impart the wisdom of the ages to the younger crowd. There are some women out there, still dating, and seem to like it. I'm surprised, but they are probably very young and everyone's story is new to them. At the start, a lot of things are interesting, but how many "I Love Lucy" reruns can anyone watch? Same with dating stories and personal histories, they get stale fast.
1. Lady, do you really need that much baggage?
Yes, I do. Considering it's costumes, musical equipment, and a personal library, I see no real problem with carting it about. Don't bother, I can carry all this myself, I know you're not Sky Cab.
2. When do you get off work?
I don't. I'm on call 24/7. It's the waiting that leaves me a lot of time. Give me 6 to 24 hours notice and we can do anything.
3. If I told you, you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
You bet! Right now!
4. Do they really know you by your first name at the Russell Stover Chocolate Factory Warehouse?
Yes, I have a standard cargo-container order and they know my delivery address. Stand back, I hear a truck coming now.
5. You look sensational - doesn't that make problems for you?
Yes, constantly. Seems everyone else has let themselves go; it's up to me to show what a healthy lifestyle and body looks like. Every woman hates me; every man wants to leave his wife/girlfriend to be with me. Well, maybe not but I see them looking.
6. Is your red hair for real?
Yes. Is your butt for real? Show me. You've seen my hair, show me your butt.
7. Can you describe a perfect date?
Only in my dreams. Mostly, I visualize lively conversation, laughter, great teeth help so when he is talking or smiling it's very inviting. Brains are sexy - education is a real magnet to me. I'm a good date, I have been on thousands of dates. I consider myself a one-date-wonder -- I go on one date and wonder why I bothered. Guys, at least have something to interest the lady.
8. What are the reasons you've rejected some men?
These vary, a lot of men fall into typical categories:
Unfaithful -- no one wants to be 2nd or 3rd in a life of lies.
Undecided -- no woman wants to be one of the bunch. At least make her feel special, even if you haven't made a final decision.
Mean -- if he's mean to other people and/or animals, it's only a matter of time before his meanness gets turned on me.
Stupid -- won't ask for help, won't learn, won't trust.
Self-centered -- he was actually masturbating, I just happened to be there.
Judgmental -- Can't accept things I do are important to me, not just passing time until they get here.
9. Are there talents that make you special?
Of course! I am self-contained, self-sustaining, self-assured. As a smart gal, I can be a real asset in social and business situations. And I can suck start a Harley. (Amazing how many men will fix on this one statement and can't think enough after that to continue a conversation, much less a date. I actually said the Harley line to a man at a bar who was rude enough to say, to my face, he didn't think I was much. After my Harley comment, and he blew some of his drink through his nose . . . I added, "but you'll never know what that feels like since I'm leaving.")
10. Would you know true love if it bit you in the ass?
I don't know. Bite me in the ass and we'll see . . .
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