FAQ2 (Pt 2): When Will This End?
Posted: Friday, September 16, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Yes, back by popular demand but the last in a series (I'm sure many are tired, but truth is truth), here is another set of Frequently Asked Questions. Please, tell me I'm not the only one who got stuck with this crap falling out of people's (mostly men, sorry!) mouths. This is supposed to be funny, sorry it borders on bitter, depressed and stupid . . . kinda like life:
I'm casting to strangers and want first turn at rejection, that means I am not first at bat. At this point in time I'd like to say to every man, anywhere -- don't post a penis photo. If that is your best feature, I am truly sorry. I also suspect men of using someone else's photo since they all look so much alike -- not like I could pick you out in a line up, or want to. I have NEVER heard a woman say, "I was attracted to his penis picture." Men, don't set yourself up to be shot down before you are even loaded.
2. Are you a coffee drinker?
Yes, and please mean this as an offer to at least buy me a coffee and not an indication that you are too broke to afford food. Money isn't everything, but if you want to impress a woman enough to have her at least talk to you a second time, invite her for coffee. I have passed over a lot of men who could not say the words, and I was not going to say the invitation for them. If you are interested, say so. I'm not making it THAT easy for you.
3. What things can a man say to make you interested?
"Is this guy boring you? Why not talk to me . . . I'm from another planet." Hey, this line would have worked on me! But seriously . . . comedy is always a plus.
4. I sent a response - What happened?
Guys, if you send a response to a personal site, and you don't get an answer. IT'S YOU. It's your typing, your words, your information. It's all you . . . and you presented a very bad you. At least read her post, mention something specific so she knows you read it, and keep it short and sweet. No answer? There's no interest. Move on. Don't waste your time and hers. What -- we have to hit you on the head to make you go away? Do you really need to hear from any woman that she has a better offer, or doesn't like what you wrote, or how you wrote it? The implied answer is the same . . . go away, I've got something better. And NO ONE can take an honest answer . . . I just don't like you. There are more fish in the sea, cars on the lot, birds in the sky, find someone else to bother. Hey, Sherlock, get a clue!
5. Are you this snappy all the time?
Yes. I am.
6. Are you an outdoor, romantic, cuddly woman?
No. My idea of roughing it is wrinkled bed sheets. Every woman would rather hear 'what would you like to do?' rather than be told what he already has in mind. If it's the same, great. If it's something different, plan at some point to do both. I hate it when a man thinks my life is on hold just for him. I have plans and I do things. You have to listen and have to ask.
7. Are you from around here?
No. I'm a gypsy and leave suddenly. It's easier than telling a man he's boring. This question is just as lame as 'What's your sign' and 'Can I buy you a beer?'
These are all I have FOR NOW. Knowing my love for the English language and talking to people, there will be others some other time. Please, file these away and refer to them often, lists one and two. They will serve you well as bad examples. And remember, even a bad example serves a purpose.
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