Drinks To Go . . . or . . . Pass Me That Bucket, It's A Thirsty Road Ahead
Posted: Monday, September 19, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Drink cups are an art form unto themselves. They have one working part, two with a straw, and still the liquid buggers win the fast food war. They get the better of me, my clothes and more regrettably there are permanent stains inside my car, seats and floors. I'm old enough to hold onto a cup, I've been practicing for years. I know where my mouth is, no scars or injuries from renegade cups, glasses or beverage containers. Somehow, we are still at war.
Whoever started this portable drink business will probably forever be anonymous though revered throughout history. Coca-Cola bottled their sweet treat many years ago -- easy purchase, easy carry, opening originally meant a flick of the wrist under a cast iron opener but this changed to pop tops a few years ago. Cups are a different animal. It's a shame that whoever designed cup holders shall always be cursed by everyone without a great sense of balance.
There are no standard size cups. The amount is basically the same but diameter and depth are deceiving, and a variable unable to be accounted for when finding a suitable non-spillage beverage receptacle, for resting or refuse. Small, medium and large are generic terms, not a standard for size or measure. There is no standard for the amount of ice, style of cube, straw diameter or container lid. That's a lot of variables. An insulated sleeve or cozy seem more to confuse the matter.
Here is the wisdom of the cups as collected by yours truly, by way of personal survey and miles driven.
Burger King. A slender cup, the usual three size reference and bitable ice cubes, relatively stable in the bottom helps stave off Titanic/Iceberg collisions in the face during traffic. There are promotional cups for movies, television, sports teams and whatever else needs promoting on a massive scale during a meal. Straws are recommended. Traffic has become such that if you're in your cups (so to speak) and someone else is on a cel-phone (soon to be illegal), it's a disaster looking for a location.
Church's Chicken. One of the greatest combinations of lid and cup compatibility ever experienced under harsh driving conditions. Ice and drink stay in the cup. Clear lids make it easy to estimate access and shaved ice is terrific munching texture. Though said shaved ice has an affinity of forming a glacier that can slide into your face. Beware!
Del Taco. A great product but locationally challenged. Lid and cup are not-quite-but-really-closely suited to each other. Don't trust either lid nor cup for any automobile carpet protection. A straw only makes both parties hostile and more apt to separate. Cups are small, medium, large and horse bucket - plenty of drink, icebergs bobbing around. Dangerous to have that much liquid sloshing inside a moving vehicle.
McDonald's. We have never been friends. Whenever I have had to take a splash, it was inside, outside, near, or driving up to or from a McDonald's. Lids and cups are at odds. Add a straw and it's war. Everything they serve wants to jump onto my clothes, making it look like I can't find my mouth. If you like to live dangerously, try the Big M.
Sonic. The most efficient cups. You won't believe it -- if you leave a cup of something in the car, there will still be ice in the morning. This is where frozen headaches began. No one believed a beverage could be kept that cold, but brain freeze proves it every day. The container is neither paper nor plastic. Don't squeeze this styrofoam cup -- lid, straw and contents will shoot in any direction. Particularly unpredictable while driving.
Jack In The Box. My personal Mecca for liquid refreshment and cheap greasy food (Hey, it keeps my fur shiny). Through the years, cup and lids have gone through a metamorphosis of fitness. The only fast food chain to truly court the public, constantly changing in attempts to please. Probably still a hangover from when they were a division of Purina. Yes, THAT Purina! People chow. You know how Purina animal food has the little checkerboard on the back of their product? It used to be on the back of all the Jack in the Box products. (But that was a long time ago, even before the kangeroo meat scare. It looked like a taco to me, why not? I already know what's in a hot dog.) It's still people chow and open all hours. Lids that work, straws that service and they hand it to you out the window! How can you not love it! Sizes are small, medium, large and pool for those who desire a swim after lunch. Fire departments have been known to drive through on their way to a four-alarm blaze to be sure they can cover everything. Approach with caution, boat ramp ahead, always carry your life vest.
7-11. Though not recognized as a drive-through, a perfect drink is sometimes worth exiting the vehicle. The Big Gulp, usually plastered on the outside with the trend of the week, is always available. Always. 24/7. A summer treasure -- pour your own, add as little or much ice as personally desired, lids, straws and you're freeway bound again.
Beware! The fallout from all these beverages is that you have to keep an eye out for the next clean bathroom. Don't try to drive under pressure, it just makes you mean.
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