Hello. My Name Is . . . From Shakespeare
Posted: Friday, September 23, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
I had very creative parents. They were good at naming things. Even the cats had unusual names. My brother and sister have names acceptable in any conversation, though no where near as memorable as mine. My name is not common and does not sound good next to anyone else's. Not that I begrudge my parents the choice of my name, my name stands out in any crowd. It's musical, good thing since I am incredibly musical. But my name stands alone. This didn't used to bother me, but over the last ten years, I thought it would be good to become a couple with someone.
I did think at one time, before I entered public school, that my name was "Damn it, QUIT!" but that was put right very quickly. Lately, I've become Miss, Lady, Ma'am, sometimes 'Hey, Lady'. At some time in the near future I would like to be considered for the euphonious appellations which include (but not limited to): My Love, My Darling, My Reason For Living, Sweetheart (not Sweettart - I'm not sour . . . yet!), Holder Of My Deart, Light Of My Life, Possible Future Heartbreak, Center Of My Universe, Sunshine Everlasting, Keeper Of My Flame, She Who Must Be Obeyed, Superior Talented Goddess, and Everything I Have Ever Waited For In My Life
You get the picture. It's not just me. Every woman would love to hear these words, but a backward slide in vocabulary and education makes this an ever-receding ideal. There are always additions to my alternative title list and for your sake I did leave out the next two-hundred on my hit parade. It starts being redundant after about four-hundred, and that just covers the English language.
Names are very important. Everyone has one. Some people have more than their fair share, it's in the family, a tradition or sometimes a self-proclaimed thing. Sometimes there is a pretentious middle initial to separate the first and last name (Does anyone know what the 'J' is in Michael J Fox?). Some names are initials -- J.R. Ewing, J.K. Rowling. It's convenient when a letter and a name are the same: K is Kay, J is Jay, Auntie M is Auntie M. Easy when taking a phone message.
Sticks and stones (oh, you know) . . . but names will never hurt me. What a crock! Names can stick harder than Jupiter's gravitational pull, and last until the end of the universe. Nailed to your psyche, names will always be painfully regurgitated at inconvenient moments in life. And usually the 'namer' won't even remember the name or the incident. Life can be cruel. Adversity is supposed to build character. Thanks, life, like I need more character!
Some names have fallen away, getting a bad rap through history or circumstances. 'Adolph' fell out of fashion after the war, and though there are actually a few of his relatives left, Hitler is a name keeping a low profile. Some dictators names, criminal names and scandalous names are no longer news, but still can generate tabloid headlines on slow news days. Fatty Arbuckle, silent film star at one time charged with sexual assault, was cleared of all criminal charges but never recovered his good name.
I'm all for people changing their names when they are adults. What seemed good once doesn't necessarily stand the test of time. When Little Bubba was three, Big Bubba dad had no problem with the name arrangement. Twenty years later, now that Little Bubba is taller than a sequoia, and Big Bubba is shrinking with age, it's more like a comedy sketch than a name. Though at one point I dated a strapping 6'8" body builder who liked to wear a tee-shirt that said "I'm The Little Brother."
Some names have finally fallen out of fashion and my hope is that in years to come they will not be resurrected. When the requisite twenty plus years pass and retro 1990s and 2000s are thrust upon us again, it should be
without Buffy, Muffy, Dude, Brittany, and other painful monikers.
In the South, girls names were especially creative for many years. The Fifties favored double names -- Peggy Sue, Linda Lou, Billy Jo, Bobby Jean. Maybe it gave the women a choice of who they wanted to be. There also was an era where women sported gem names: Opal, Ruby, Pearl and others. This made reading and notices particularly interesting when listing multiple women. Also, as a hang over from plantation days, 'Miss' was sometimes added before a lady's name. Smacks of superiority and know thy place -- not a good way to be remembered or addressed, at least not in my book. In Gone With The Wind, servants addressed the family as "Miss Scarlett", "Miss Melanie" and so forth. Strange they were allowed to call them by a first name, a title goes a long way in separating people.
A few people have been cruel to their children when picking their name. Frank Zappa was being funny, evoking reactions, by naming his progeny Moon Unit and Dweezle. Fortunately, their talent overcame what could have been a major setback in their lives. Mr Lear, the inventor of the Lear Jet, named his daughter Shanda. When I heard this -- how mean! I'm sure it got a laugh but it's always at her expense, not his. Shanda Lear? That's right next to Dick Butkus or Harry Hopendick. Isn't growing up tough enough without a painful name?
My name is Shakespearean. Had I been a boy, I could have been Hamlet or Othello (great, just beat me up every day). My name was confusing enough to the young masses. I loved the movie "Shakespeare In Love" when he wanted to call the romantic couple "Romeo and Phyllis." It's all in what you are used to. Great care must be exercised when choosing a special someone to be linked with your name.
When someone asked Keith Moon (drummer at one time for The Who) his name, he said, "My friends call me Keith. But you can call me Sam since we're not going to be friends." Some men think they are cute or witty by trying to abuse my name. Same thing. If they can't get my name right, they will NOT get lucky. This goes for learning any woman's name. Even if we're not special, fake it! Make us think we are and you will get lucky. Human relations don't get any easier than that.
My name rules are: You cannot shorten my name. You cannot give me a nickname. That's it. Some men could have gotten very lucky, and I told them specifically that I didn't like what they did with my name, so I had to walk away.
My name is my life. It defines me until people get to know me personally. My name has more than one syllable. These syllables know each other and work well when used in a directive sentence. There are no hidden letters but sometimes I like to mess with people's heads by saying "The Q is silent." If you are saving your lips by not wanting to say my entire name, you will probably not be very good at using them in the future for anything else. Lack of use means use 'em or lose 'em.
And in keeping with The Bard, consider: "Who steals my purse, steals trash, but he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed."
And Master Shakespeare's ever quoted, forever in my thoughts: What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell . . .
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