Men: Talk To Women, Connect, Get Results
Posted: Monday, September 26, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Okay, guys, you're out looking to connect with a woman. You're having a good time. You are surrounded by women and you like the look of all of them. What do you do? How do you talk to them? What do you say? How do you keep their interest?
Scary as it is for men, it's easier than you think. For one, you have to actually talk, about something, something she wants to talk about.
But aside from men sabotaging their own lives, you have to get close enough to women to find things out.
Now, most women are paranoid enough, that's why we go out in packs and to the bathroom in pairs, well, that and we talk a lot. Small talk means general topics, not much detail and a good feeling of a possible connection. This is where most men drop the ball and women leave. I know men mean well but my gal friends have termed most men's conversation as "resume rattling." This is a variation of sword rattling, when gentlemen would start threatening future duels and conflicts by reminding the other they are armed and dangerous. I guess a modern equivalent would be waving around a gun. But this is resumes. A man will somehow get on a single thought track and start throwing facts around about his job, his education, his family history, his last vacation, his future vacations, some of his investments, and a bit of his social life. This is all well and good for him but there's no room for give and take like a conversation is supposed to be. It's also more information than most women want after a few seconds. Knowing a man is employed and not married is a great start, after that, he needs to talk to her.
What do you say? Keep it light. Keep it simple. Nothing controversial and nothing too personal. I am constantly amazed how anyone wants to share medical history, financial loss or family dirty laundry with anyone not in a doctor's office, court of law, or on a psychiatrist's couch.
Still don't know what to say?
Bring up current movie titles. If she reads foreign cinema subtitles and you like chase'em and kill'em films, you already know she'll be picking the flicks when you go out.
Mention traffic problems. She'll mention approximately where she's working, which means she's working.
Ask if she's from around there. If she's visiting, you are wasting your time unless you want to spend weekends long hauling it, or is she local and you can meet again.
Talk about food likes. If she brings up all sorts of allergies, it could be a limited menu and a medical lecture. If she likes what you like, you're almost on a date.
Mostly, you don't want to explode like a Tomahawk Missile into subjects like politics, religion, extreme medical detail on anything, past loves, sex in general (you'll get to it later, don't worry.), obsessions with sports, alcohol, porn, and hobbies that dominate your waking hours. That will come in time. Right now, you're just trying to make a connection.
Now, this used to be the tricky part but I'll make it easy for you. Women don't want to give out their information. It's a scary place for women and at this point you are a stranger. And, worse for you, if a woman isn't really interested in you and she's just trying to be polite (possibly to get rid of you), she will give you bogus information. What can you do? How will you know?
Here's your solution. Have cards printed with your name and how you want to be known (cute short guy, tall blonde, body builder, all around nice guy) and contact information. If you prefer email, have that. If you have a face book page, put that. If you have a telephone or cel phone you prefer, use that. Don't fill the card with all your statistics or more contacts than a phone book. Two contact points is enough - email and phone number; face book and cel phone. Please don't put your address on the card and say you're gone until November -- you are begging to be robbed. She may not do it but times are hard and mean ex-boyfriends can be anywhere.
Anymore info and it looks desperate. We all know everyone is looking but desperation means low standards and very needy. Most women already have pets and don't need one more clinging life form in an already messy world. Let her know you are interested and you would like to see her again . . . and she can contact you when she feels like it.
This is a win situation for everyone. She is not put on the spot to hand out her info, she doesn't have to tell you she's not interested and that you should go away, and she can contact you when she feels like it. Could be later that night. Could be tomorrow. Could be next week when she's back in town. Could be never. You don't get an ego slap. You don't get a crude remark about how she's not available . . . ever. And you don't have to wait by the phone (or the computer). Well, you shouldn't anyway.
Giving out your information on a small, pocketable card has the advantage that you can carry a lot of cards and can talk with a lot of women. Until you name someone as girlfriend, significant other or center of your universe, you are a free agent and can hand out as many cards as you want. This being discreet, no one needs to know just how many contacts you make. By shear numbers, someone will call you. You've already met them. You liked them enough to give them your card, and you are not limited to one at a time. Isn't this every man's dream?
Some women are slow on the uptake. Not to minimize your value, we shop around and try to decide the best deal. Sometimes, the deal we want doesn't work out, even though you might not be first choice you could be number one in our life later. Thus, if we dump Mr Universe later in the evening, you could be called tomorrow. Or when we find women's clothes already at Mr Wonderful's apartment, you could get a call next week. Or Mr-I'm-just-living-with-him is tossed out on Sunday night, clothes and belongings on the lawn, you could be called Monday morning. Not everyone is immediately available but can be later.
Business cards are plentiful and cheap. You don't have to be Madison Avenue creative. You don't need graphics or your photo, unless you want this. Be sure your information is correct (I can't tell you how many people submit incorrect information on a print order) and easy to read. 6 point type may be currently fashionable, but 10 or 12 point means no squinting in the low lights of a bar or club. Ask your printer, they'll know what I mean.
This will get you and your information out there. What you do with it is up to you. Oh, yea, there are some women, always will be, who don't want the info and will either hand the card back (gracious) or throw it on the ground (mean). Either way, don't waste your time. Don't be mean. Just walk away. There is nothing you can say, you do not have to defend yourself, nothing you need to say if someone doesn't want your attention. You didn't want that kind of company anyway. They are probably mean about other things (and who needs that?) and they have just saved you a lot of time and wasted dates.
Not to sound like a commercial, Vista Print (over the internet) will print you 1000 cards for $10. They print my business cards (no, for my real business), and when I make cards for others, I order there. If you order on Monday, you'll be handing 'em out by Friday. This also serves you well at drawings and raffles where a card is your entry. You can be a winner twice!
Women aren't so difficult to get to know. We talk . . . a lot . . . you need to find someone who likes what you like so you can talk together. I'm not getting into sex here, that's a whole different story, but to get to sex, you have to meet someone.
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