My Life. Your Time. Dating Waiver Agreement.
Posted: Sunday, October 02, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
I'm tired. And I'm lonely. My solace is shopping and eating. I'm going broke. I'm getting fat. I have so much pent up frustration that should you agree to a clandestine assignation, you'll have to sign a waiver in case it kills you. There is a fire extinguisher next to the bed and flame retardant sheets are available upon request. At the very least, you may limp away from this encounter with a smile that could possibly last you the rest of your life.
Loss of feeling in extremities due to overuse and euphoria;
2nd degree friction burns possibly limiting further hair growth on specific body parts, but not tactile sensation;
Inability to respond to half-assed advances from any future females;
Somnambulistic apparitions intrinsically formed around current satisfaction and possible future loss;
Auditory hallucinations recalling verbal responses;
Equilibrium stress - emotional and professional.
Ambulatory proclivity will eventually return but probably only after physical therapy is complete.
This is not a crossed swords dance nor trial by steel, yet a certain amount of verbal jousting will be involved. Don't be so pusillanimous, only to send your negative rationalization(s). With trepidation, this request could possibly be construed as a demand or prerequisite - Do it now!
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