It's The End Of The World (Maybe)
Posted: Sunday, December 04, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
I love doom sayers, no, really, actual doom sayers forever predicting the end of the world have always been entertainment for me. Hmm, end of the world as we know it. That implies there's an end to the world we don't know . . . but that doesn't really count.
In the last few months I have missed the end of the world twice. Back in August I was at Zion National Park and figured if it had ended, I would know as soon as I came back to civilization. Then in September, it was supposed to have happened again but I was asleep. Maybe it did happen and I still don't have a clue.
At my first job, meeting and feeding the public in a city zoo that will go unnamed at this time due to a personal trauma involving that city and the first twenty years of my life, on a regular basis there were a lot of people passing out literature about the end of the world. I collected quite a few flyers; it made for interesting reading. A comet came by, a planetary alignment, numerical dates and general re-reading and interpretation of various religious tombs all said the world would end at various times. This deadline always kept just ahead of whatever date I was standing in at the time. Convenient.
And as for doom sayers, don't forget the ever popular and always quoted Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce, assorted self-proclaimed religious leaders and the zodiac for your end-of-the-world prognostications. This seems to be a lucrative business -- all that advertising, a few books, some documentaries. I always found it amusing when they would ask for donations. Hmmmm, it's the end of the world -- and you need money for what?
But we're talking the end of the world. Maybe these nihilists were predicting their own doom. Maybe it was the end of 'their' world, but not mine. Maybe the end of their world as they knew it -- unemployment has the same effect but not the devastation on a global scale.
Now the Aztecs/Mayans are currently held as the true seers of the entire world's fate. Considering both these civilizations completely missed the coming of the Conquistadors, the diseases and weapons brought from the old world and even conflict within their own empire, how much stock can you put into a thousand year old calendar? Even the seers of our time missed 9/11, the death of Elvis and the housing market bust. And it's easy to predict the past . . . a lot of people said they knew but didn't tell anyone, write it down or act upon it. Then it doesn't count, does it?
With 2012 looming within a month, and the named last day of Earth being the next Winter Solstice (Dec 21), it's time to make some plans. Plans for what, you ask? Well, for me, it could turn out to be the longest party on the planet, with no financial or physical repercussions.
Douglas Adams addressed this in his book/radio play/television series/movie of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. His vision was a restaurant at the end of the universe -- a great meal and light entertainment before all existence does the big firework. People dressed up to give it a sense of occasion. It was a time when things could be forgotten -- Left on the gas? Didn't clean out the garage? Couldn't pay the light bill? Didn't matter. No future. I really liked it when the waiter said, "Drinks will be served and then the universe will explode for your entertainment." "Wow!" says Ford Prefect, "what kind of drinks do you serve in this place?!"
Having an exact date for the end of the world is convenient. I should start moving and shaking before the year is out . . . literally. Most of this I will set in motion after January first. And the very start will be that I don't have to make any resolutions. Not that I was a big believer in that before, just from now on, any long term plans are silly.
I would quit cleaning. Anything. Everything. Clothes. Dishes. The yard. The house. The car. Not that I want to live a messy life but this is a fantasy piece and if the end of the world is nigh, I'm not gonna be cleaning the bathroom.
It's time to say "YES!" to every credit card offer that comes to the mailbox! Not a week goes by that there's a credit card from a bank, a store, the card company itself, loan company, bad credit shop -- more credit than I can pay back before I die. Good thing that's coming soon. Better get that extension for my wallet when I'm packing more credit cards than folds in an accordion.
I will agree to ANY and EVERY new car deal. I'll drive a new car every week. Instead of washing a car, I'll get a new one. That new car smell will permeate all my clothes, it will radiate out of my lungs. It's probably toxic but I don't have to hang on much longer anyway.
I was gonna do drugs since I have always said 'no' to the experience. Even though it seemed very popular with a lot of people passing through my life, it would slow me down in the short time I have left, so that's out. For all that I have gone and seen and done, there was no drug in the world that was going to enhance my experience.
I'm not going to lose weight. Not that I'm bad looking but to lose weight and look great just to check out of this life is stupid. Now is the time to chow down with abandon. Bring in that trough! Give me two forks so I don't have to break rhythm while I'm eating! All those women who starved themselves to be thin -- good for you, gals! Now pass me that bucket of whipped cream!
Strangely enough, I feel no need for revenge on anyone for any reason. Maybe having an exact due date on my own demise, and theirs, puts everything into infinite perspective. Living well is the best revenge and I have. All those who have stolen from me, be it time, money or peace of mind, have always lived under their own personal sword of Damocles. No matter what I could do to anybody, they have lived a life of dread, of the unknown, of the unfulfilled, the stress and strain of their evil lives have played upon them as no torture devised by me ever could. Ah, and this is particularly poignant for the religious.
I can finally be completely honest with everyone, including myself. Guarded language slows things down, delays the obvious. If you are going to go -- GO! If you are going to stay, shut up and finish the ride.
I will tell everyone who ever meant anything to me how much I have loved them. They made this life worth living.
I will finally clean out my closets. Not like I'm a clean freak but I just know there are things I want to see one more time. Family pictures, vinyl records and my favorite dresses will complete my intimate memories.
I will donate a kidney and a lung immediately. In the last days of the world, someone could enjoy themselves, even for a little while. No use in saving these things now. Maybe it's to ease my conscious for all the times I was truly selfish. Either way, we both win.
I don't need to travel. In my life I've seen so much that I wore out three passports and a dozen cars filling my brain with the world.
Yeah, there are always a few regrets. But that's not gonna happen here. I think everyone was right when it was said, "You'll regret what you haven't done more than what you did." So far, this has always been true. I've lead an active life and did a lot. Whoo-boy! Even the things that didn't go as planned left behind a great story later!
There will be a lot of confusion at the end of the world. I think there will still be a lot of people with a cel phone on one side of their head and a finger in their other ear. I like to think their last words will be of love.
I do know when it's my time to go (2012 or when ever), after I cover all the expletives I know, made up a few more to entirely cover the situation, my final words will NOT be: "Gee, it's about time!"
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Octavia, I loved every word and in many ways I, too, can relate to the whole article. Raw. Funny. To the bone, it was absolutely great. Just one minor difference in opinion on my part, however, and that is that I understand the End of the World to be around the 23rd September 2012 at 9.25am BST.
I wish you all the best for the future - what's left of it - and hope you and the Aztec's are right, because my 476,000 pounds loan I took out at a stupendous fixed rate may be a little hard to pay back if our plans go south. Lol.
Happy Holidays and have a great New Year. A High 5 is on its way to you, and boy, do you deserve it.Hey, great! Now I get to prepare for the end of the world TWICE! I'm bound to catch one of them. Ah . . . it's a shame that people tend to do the things they really want when it's too late, or almost too late. Maybe just thinking about the end of the world can put people's priorities in order. It's all food for thought.
I think end of the world predictions are a good reminder for us to live our lives each day, as if it were our last. Having said that, if we knew when the world would end, we would be God!
Great article and great comparisons. I get what you are saying!There's a British movie where the character says: "I think I'm God. Every time I pray, I find I'm talking to myself." Interesting thought.
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