Cleaning! (Am I Finished Yet?)
Posted: Wednesday, December 14, 2011
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
It's time I quit cleaning. Seems over the last few years it is my existence, nay, my reason for living. Sometimes I think I'm the world's mother, even though I chose NOT to have children.
I have been cleaning ever since . . . I don't even remember when . . . it's like I was born with a rag in my hand and I must have cleaned my way into this world.
And this doesn't just apply to trash. When I see a shirt on the floor in a store, I pick up it and hang it up where it belongs. Maybe it's the frustrated 'mom' in me since I never was one. I like to think I'm quietly superior to those who cannot look after themselves. F. Scott Fitzgerald nailed it when he called it "Tyranny of the Weak." When you are stronger and superior, you end up doing the work.
Unfortunately, it seems to be in women's genes. Don't men have at least the same number of genes? What did they get? The sports genes? The I-don't-have-to-change-my-socks genes? The if-I-don't-see-it-it's-not-dirty gene? I have seen men leave clutter, garbage, spot and stains that should have at least merited embarrassment along with a right good cleaning.
I know that men don't think about cleaning. Things magically happen when they are not looking: clean dishes jump back into the cabinets, clean clothes hang themselves up, bathrooms sparkle by a miracle. I don't think women contemplate cleaning when it's outside of their own house. People are notorious for abusing what is not theirs -- did you know that at least once a year Yellowstone National Park is closed for cleaning? Rangers have to pull dirty diapers, water bottles and discarded clothing out of Old Faithful and other hot springs. What were these people thinking? This is not the message to be left for tourists, nature lovers or future generations.
Important as it is, cleaning feels like such a waste of time. If it's dirty now, it will just get dirty again. And cleaning a little just adds up to cleaning a lot if you let it go and think you're gonna catch it later. And it's everywhere. It's even you -- you need cleaning! Your car needs cleaning. Closets, rain gutters, desk drawers, things you don't even see need cleaning. Thought about your air filters recently?
Cleaning is usually done solo, hidden from the world like it will offend delicate sensibilities. Yea, people can trash stuff but they shouldn't see it cleaned. It's an indispensible service. Everyone needs it, yet cleaning crews work in secret, after or before business hours, late into the night, weekends, sometimes really big cleaning requires over the holidays or something to shut down so they are not interrupted.
Some cleaning is an art . . . delicate pieces of china, silver, glass, jewelry, watches . . . these things must be cleaned carefully by hand. And if these things are not packed away securely or cleaned correctly, it can permanently damage these pieces. And don't even think about rushing the job -- a half-cleaned item is not clean.
Geniuses do not clean. That's probably why they are classified as a genius. They have figured out other things to do and conned everyone else into thinking whatever they are doing is more important than cleaning. It's easy for someone to be a "genius" at something, when someone else does their grunt work. When they are not planning meals, driving, working under fluorescent lights, balancing finances, waiting in dentist offices, subject to the thousand mundane distractions of daily life, they have time to devote attention to what they deem important. Not that I begrudge those who invented machines, media and music I adore, I just want to spend less time cleaning and more time enjoying the fruits of their intellectual labor.
Cleaning is continuous. It will never be finished. You will never get ahead of cleaning. Sometimes it can be moved to a more convenient time -- late nights, weekends -- if that's what you deem for your leisure hours. Some cleaning is easier than others, but you can never get ahead of the game. Doesn't matter how much you empty the trash or flush the toilet, there will always be a next time.
Given the opportunity -- I would quit cleaning. Forever. Anything. Everything. Clothes. Dishes. The yard. The house. The car. It's a distraction. It's a time vacuum. What I thought would be five minutes becomes an hour and expands to everything around the house. When I stop cleaning I will have all the time in the world. Time will actually stop because I'll be standing still, not readily able to focus on anything else since I have lost the habit of leisure time. There are times I have to get out of the house to rest. As long as I am surrounded by my house and my stuff, there is something that needs cleaning, if not also organizing.
When I watch the television shows about hoarders, I know what happened. There was some final point that made it impossible for them to clean one more thing. From that moment on, they did something else . . . but it wasn't cleaning. They could no longer keep up, figured out their true priorities were somewhere else and learned to live in their own messy, cluttered world. Not that I want to live like that but this is a fantasy piece and if the end of the world is nigh, I'm not gonna be found with a cleaning implement in my hand, certainly not over a toilet like Lupe Velez. (You should look up her story, it's funny in a really tragic way. Or would that be tragic in a really funny way.)
I remember a crap eulogy about a woman who spent all her life cleaning, and then was buried in dirt. Women are relegated to this job, no matter how loving and providing the spouse claims to be. And when children enter the picture -- why aren't they taught to clean from the very beginning? I see commercials where the rest of the family destroys the house and mom is left standing with rag and cleaning novelty in hand. No, no, no! Get those kids in here! If they can't clean up after the muddy dog -- then they can't have a dog. They spill? They clean. They leave their things around? They pick 'em up. When people have to clean something themselves, they spend less time making it dirty. Instead of a school janitor cleaning, he should be supervising a whole class of kids with mops and buckets, cleaning the halls, the walls, the floors, the bathrooms, the gym and picking up litter. Look, sooner or later the little beggars will be living alone and they should know how to do these things. When they have to spend hours scrubbing words off of a wall, they are less likely to practice their literary talents in such a messy way again.
Oh! The time I gain by not cleaning! The hours I would have NOT prying the previous meal's dishes apart in the sink, not dusting, not washing, not scouring. Is this possible? Will it ever be possible? Teflon helps. Crock pot liners help. Anything that gains one more minute in not soaking, scrubbing or cleaning is a holy grail in my lexicon.
The ultimate clean is disposable anything. Cups. Plastic flatware. Paper plates. Paper products have made everyone's life easier and cleaner. I can't imagine not having a full roll of toilet tissue or having to constantly wash handkerchiefs instead of throwing away each and every used tissue.
Appliances that clean things are next to a religious experience. I remember hearing my mom still in the kitchen long after we kids were in bed, the quiet clinking of glasses and plates being washed by hand. As a loving mother, she never pressed us into kitchen service . . . and she should have. She lived in fear that someone would call her a bad mother if she taxed the children's time. Shame I never appreciated that. Whoever invented the dishwasher has saved women's hands, compressed time and made dishes cleaner than any man I have ever witnessed over the sink.
The washing machine was the natural outcome after indoor plumbing. What a machine! Anywhere else in the world, women (never men) are beating clothes on a rock along the riverside. Geez, when did they have time to make and raise children? Women, and clothing, were delivered out of the laundryroom from that time.
Cleaning agents have also become better. I can't imagine a time without grease-cutting dish detergents, bleach, window cleaners and sanitary wipes. Everyone's lifespan has been extended by fresh water and clean living conditions, the Romans knew that two millennia ago.
But most of all, I love cats. They are self cleaning, ready anytime for a cuddle and a purr. So it gives us both more time to enjoy each other.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Hi Octavia.
Wit, charm and wisdom. This had it all. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! Thanks!
Hugs,
Dianne
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