Octavia Hansen

It Happened Again . . . Mr. Wrong!



Posted: Saturday, December 24, 2011

by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen

I blame myself, I said "Hello." It's a gift . . . a guy who will never get lucky with me not only corners me in a lame conversation, thus keeping me from my actual flirtatious ways with any other man in a two-mile radius, but somehow finagles my number or email outta me (darn this politeness!)! How does this happen?

Other guys get away, but the ones I NEVER want to call me or see again, hang on like I'm the last woman in the world. Maybe I'm just the last woman they have a chance with since I'm so nice and don't want to hurt their feelings. Then I'm secretly wishing to stick a fork in their leg and claim it was an accident while they are whisked into a local ambulance by a medical professional who can resusitate me anytime! I just LOVE a man in uniform.

What do I have to do to date a nice man of my choice? Hit your car just to get your name and number? I know the chances of a cute guy (that I would drag myself over a hot asphalt parking lot just to read the VIN off his dashboard) being single, or even a nice person, are as slim as Pluto's chance in the world of astro-science being reinstated as a planet, but hope springs eternal! Or Alice Springs eternal, something like that if you hang out in Australia.

But NO! I'm the social prisoner of a talkative guy with bad teeth, at least a foot shorter than me and no talent in music or art. I know not everyone can look like Harrison Ford, Sean Connery or ever Pierce Brosnan but I do expect a high level of personal hygiene, some witty banter and enough fashion style to make me want to be seen with you. Get a clue, you goofy Sherlock guys -- when a woman is looking at her watch, the floor, the ceiling, her cel-phone, or mightily studying the dotted line across her wrists that says "CUT HERE", she's looking for a graceful way out because you are NOT her type of guy, never will be and time's a-wasting!

For all the cute guys who pass by unattended, who desperately need flirting with or just a nice piece of eye-candy that all women need to feel that shiver of fantasy possibility (if only in my own mind), I'll get to you! I'm watching for you. I wink so much people think I have a nervous tic. Look, I shaved body parts you can't even see, just for you, so I wouldn't look like a health-food waitress on the off chance there would be eye contact, body contact, or I fake a seizure just so you can catch me and hold me tight.

Oooooh, I gotta go stand around my illegally parked car so when an officer comes around to write a ticket I can get all his vital information. Oh, constable . . .!
Octavia (Yes, that's her real name!) is a busy gal in Las Vegas, NV. From New York City parents and Texas birth, she began in the best of both worlds, literate and comical. Extensive US family travel in her younger years, now she's on her third passport and numerous cars driven to pieces in the name of wanderlust. The Big O settled in Las Vegas, which she compares to running away to join the circus - IT'S FUN! Comedy and alternative thinking come easily. When she's not writing, she sings, she writes songs, produces her own CDs, attracted to shiny objects, looks stunning at renaissance festivals across the country and is only stopped by lack of time for all the projects she has in mind. What a woman!
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by elle kynzer
 139 days 21 hours ago.
31 fans. Follow elle kynzer on twitter!
Boy, you make me glad I'm married...lol
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