Octavia Hansen

Modern Injuries ... Watch Out For That . . . !!!



Posted: Saturday, January 07, 2012

by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen

There are a lot of modern things we do, that our parents and grandparents didn't do, that have injured some of us. With new technology comes new aches and pains.

Carpel Tunnel Syndrome has been proved and disproved . . . depending on if you suffer from it or if you're a big insurance company trying NOT to pay someone who suffers from it.

Executives working long hours in Japan had a few years of dropping dead at their desks, fearing if they took off any time or reported any injury that they would be penalized or fired. Guess these guys showed the company! I like to think that any widow from such hard biting work was compensated royally for the rest of their lives, and provided handsomely for the kids. If not, then everyone there is more dedicated to the office and homeland than I shall ever will be.

Some more recent physical ailments and injuries are:

Coffee Elbow: arm strain from constant lifting, filling and pouring of a coffee pot . . . at work, at home, at a social gathering, even for yourself.

Television Neck: same position for hours, sometimes days at a time. Especially hurtful while watching a long night of porn but no one admits that.

Television blur: eyes can't focus unless something is on the screen. This can be very handy when avoiding family members.

Movie-phobia: morbid fear of expensive popcorn, people coughing, children talking, anyone kicking your seat. I used to get this right after buying the movie ticket as I walked inside, but after years of constant abuse, I start feeling the anxiety as I'm reading the movie times in the paper.

Driver's Back: this comes on after hours in the same position. Now that people don't have to shift and highways cross the entire United States, it's probable that you will experience this at some point in your lifetime. Even more so since employment commutes become longer every year.

Shoulder Reach Strain: all those very large to go cups, food in a bag, CD search or iPod plug in at currently at the root of this repetitive injury. It used to come from swatting the kids in the backseat while driving but either they are too far away now or plugged into some kind of technology.

Washer Arm: one arm gets longer and more muscular pulling heavy wet clothes out of the washing machine and tossing them into a dryer. The clothes coming out of the dryer tend to be significantly lighter and doesn't effect the wrist or elbow as much as the washing machine does. Still, it better than beating the clothes with a stick down by the riverside.

Hip Twist: fun as this name sounds, all that getting out of small cars and oversized trucks for years has made people ache in places they only used to use in the back seat on the weekends through their high school years.

Knee Banger: finding that doors aren't fully closed, desks, appliances or computer equipment is closer than you thought . . . you didn't even have to look but you found 'em!

Toe Finder Ache: finding shoes, furniture or small objects with your feet, usually in the dark. If this is experienced on the stairs, there could be a lengthy hospital stay associated with your newly formed state of strain, sprain or break.

And the one I shall carry with me always, every time the weather changes I feel it -- my old:

Cheerleader Injury: I didn't know she'd go that far when I kicked her. Strangely enough, it makes me laugh when I feel it, smacks of those good ole days when I could still make a point with a physical connection.

Try to protect yourself from strains, sprains and falls. As you get older, the ground is harder and farther away and back injuries are for life. A lot of things can be fixed but if you treat your body right, you won't have to experience an artificial joint or any kind of long term physical rehabilitation. Hmm, wonder if that includes all the meds . . . Hey, mister, can you hand me that Volkswagen? Thank you, Hernia man!
Octavia (Yes, that's her real name!) is a busy gal in Las Vegas, NV. From New York City parents and Texas birth, she began in the best of both worlds, literate and comical. Extensive US family travel in her younger years, now she's on her third passport and numerous cars driven to pieces in the name of wanderlust. The Big O settled in Las Vegas, which she compares to running away to join the circus - IT'S FUN! Comedy and alternative thinking come easily. When she's not writing, she sings, she writes songs, produces her own CDs, attracted to shiny objects, looks stunning at renaissance festivals across the country and is only stopped by lack of time for all the projects she has in mind. What a woman!
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by Christofer French
 136 days 18 hours ago.
74 fans.
This is downright funny. Original, creative, cute and so inventive. You are good.
» left by Octavia Hansen 136 days 13 hours ago.
23 fans.
There was a time when people lent their name to an injury or disease . . . Lou Gehrig's Disease . . . Hansen's Disease . . . or a health test. I don't think I'm up for that, but I like a descriptive name . . . coffee elbow. I'm already suffering from some of these, at least it makes me laugh!
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