Table Manners ... Or ... I Think You Need A Napkin
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Meals are still an event. Even if you are eating alone, it's a major stop to pick something out and feed your cake hole. In the last fifty to one hundred years, eating has become most people's only variable to their life . . . What am I going to eat? When am I going to eat? Where am I going to eat? We are still in an animal phase of human existence but at least we dress a lot better and can accessorize.
A few quick tips:
Tableware. Flatware, silverware, however you refer to eating utensils, few people put them to correct use. Too many people think tableware is a substitute for drum sticks. NO! THEY ARE NOT! Tapping anything with cutlery is annoying . . . it's not what they are made for, it can chip and dent other things on the table and when said abuser is truly annoying, everything can be turned into a weapon, to be used against them. Clinking a spoon in a coffee cup is bad manners -- it's for stirring, not announcing you like a leper with a bell. Children don't know any better and like to continually announce their presence by making noise. You are an adult and should know better. That, and your spoon will become airborne in your general direction when I get hold of it.
Napkins. Also known as serviettes, napkins are not what they used to be. Most napkins today are paper -- soft, absorbant, usually too small and people NEVER use them efficiently. Finer restaurants use cotton or linen napkins . . . better . . . but they have missed the point that a napkin is a blotter for spills, sauces and liquids. These napkins have been laundered and pressed and can't absorb anything. Mostly, they match the tablecloth and can embarrass you by sticking to your clothes as you try to exit after dining. Use a napkin often, at the corners of your mouth, your chin, sometimes your chest or lap. Do not tie it around your neck like a bib in public. Even at a lobster house, they have bibs for you.
Noise. It must be said: most people find their abrasive habits invisible. Do not make noise while eating or drinking. Slurping, sipping, lapping, chewing, anything that makes a noise should make you embarrassed. Unless your point is to clear people from your table, there is no point to making noise with soup, salad, beverages or anything crunchy or liquid. Grow up! You can amuze the kids at home with sloppy eating and mouth noises. In public, you're just dumb.
Mouth closed. This you should have learned in the First Grade. Food falling out of your mouth should be your first clue, chewing or slurping sounds should be your second clue to close your mouth. No one wants to see masticated food, especially yours!
Gentle reminders. Most people are not mean, merely thoughtless. If at all possible, without sounding bitchy or condescending, try to help people remember their manners. A sweet way to help people gain those points for social graces is to say, "I think you need a napkin." or "Please, could we have more quiet." Don't be mean. That is never necessary. You don't need to sink to their level or make anyone feel bad about themselves. The few times I have encountered nasty people and could not help them, I got up and left. Either I changed tables or the meal was over. I was not going to verbally joust nor suffer abuse from anyone through a meal.
Manners and social grace is what can set you apart from the herd. Much like the good use of vocabulary, you can set an example and show off your education by being polite and considerate. And it's just this easy!
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