Wedding Advice: Groom's Decision For Best Man
Posted: Tuesday, February 07, 2012
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
While breezing through personal ads, someone asked for advice. A man writes:
So here is the deal -- I am getting married in June and my Best Man is lacking on his duties. I know he is going through alot with a divorce and a kid but every time we set something up he cancels the plans. What do I do? Tell him I'm going to use someone else or just roll with it, rush around and wait 'til the last minute? He is the person I would usally go to for advice but I can't this time.
Much as I applaud loyalty to your friend, this is NOT the person to depend on for something as important as your wedding.
You and your lovely bride-to-be are the center of attention. Whatever this man is going through is not part of your special day. He may be your friend but she will be your wife. She will have a more intimate connection to you than he will ever have and your loyalty and fidelity needs to be with her FIRST.
Yes, your friendship probably goes back a long way. Fine, you can still be friends. You can be friends later. You can be friends the rest of your life. He is probably not your wife's friend. That's fine, too. You'll have a lot of this in your life and it's okay to have different tastes.
Consider that if you DON'T ask this man to be your best man, that it also takes the pressure off of him so he can work out whatever is going on in his life. Even if he makes it to the wedding, do you really want him distracted by what's going on elsewhere? And there are few things that will ruin a party more than a mopey guy ragging to everyone about his troubles. That's not a good wedding memory either.
The last touches on your special day should NOT have to include a nail biting session wondering what this man is going to do . . . or not do. This is your day, this is the day that everything should be perfect for you two. Not him. Consider that if things make a massive change for him that you can include him at the last minute, but for peace of mind, get someone you can count on to be there.
Your wife should be your concern. Don't start off a marriage where things were not what she wanted . . . that everyone was talking about someone else, or worse, someone else makes a spectacle at the ceremony or party . . . starts a fight? starts crying? doesn't show? You don't want any of this in your memory book. Marriage can be tough enough and a botched wedding will haunt you forever.
Trust me, women put their hopes and dreams into their wedding and any kind of doubt or mistrust on your part about this man is already reason enough to not include him. Do it now, don't wait for later or the last minute. He can still come to the wedding, he can still be your friend, but don't let this occasion be determined by anyone else.
Lastly, I need to mention that if your friend messes up your soon-to-be-wife's special day, you will hear about this the rest of your life . . . in great detail . . . often . . . for the rest of your life . . . or until your own divorce is final.
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