On The Switchboard of Life, You've Been Put On Hold!
Posted: Tuesday, February 07, 2012
by Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Oh, how I love to put people on hold! Whoever and whenever the "HOLD" button was placed on a telephone, I want to give them a big wet kiss, give them my stunningly beautiful sister's phone number and a light up billboard proclaiming my undying love for a simple switch! This is better than voice mail! . . . More powerful than a busy signal! . . . Able to stop anyone in their verbally abusive tirade in a second! . . . It's here! It's there! It's on every business phone where I was ever relegated to be a temporary receptionist!
I don't often get to play on multiple line phones but when I do, I practice with the hold button as much as possible. The call recipient can be standing right next to me, but I will continue to place any caller on hold, only to send them irrevocably into a voice mail box, of which there is no escape. Please leave a message . . .
It's actually because I am not a receptionist that the few times this job has been assigned to me, I like to make it known how bad I am at this and much more valuable in other places. I have noticed that men are rarely asked to answer the phones. Perhaps it's more inviting for everyone to speak to women.
I like to change my voice for the corporate communications. I get to play to a radio listening audience of one, a captive audience, a person who must actually say something to get anywhere past me. I sound inviting on the telephone, I lower my voice to something close to Marlene Dietrich, almost coming across as a phone sex operator. The first time my boss called the office and I used my professional telephone-sexy announcing voice, he asked, "Who is this?" So I snapped into my every day voice and happily announced, "It's me!" When we finally did get a full time receptionist, for weeks, everyone who called, their first question was "What happened to that sexy lady?" No one ever hung up on my voice.
There were a few times that I lived alone when I became my own roommate. I didn't need an answering machine, I slipped into a different accent and higher pitch to be someone else. It was to keep guys from thinking they could come over any time, or worse, stay when they were not wanted. It was easy to say my roommate didn't like it. What really bugged me was when a man I knew started chatting up the roommate I did not have. Even if I had a roommate, did he think women do not talk? Especially about slimy men?
So, it's not just what you say, it's how you say it!
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)--
Why, O!
You evil vixen twin! I used to know a sexy voice like that--I won't tell you how, though. Thanks for explaining how things really are in the corporate world. Now if only you could perfect the accent of women from a certain country that I hear when I have a computer problem.......!
Ron Kelley
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